It's also the same attitude that perpetuates "the lie".
Tell a kid they will never succeed, wash your hands of them, tell them they don't deserve a second chance, stand back and shake your head quietly in disgust and they will hear you. They will live up to your expectations. They will take on your attitude, make it their own and allow themselves be defeated.
It doesn't have to be this way. It really doesn't.
Set the bar higher and they will reach for it.
It isn't going to be enough to just set the bar higher, either. You'll have to be prepared to help them along the path when you see them stumbling. You may have to remove a log or boulder. More than likely? Several logs and boulders. Sometimes, you may even have to carry them to the next campsite.
It has to be a team effort.
If you make it a team effort, failure is no longer an option or a certainty.
My daughter got pregnant at thirteen, a few months before her 8th grade graduation, and had my grandson at fourteen.
We could have been content to accept that her life was over and she could have, too.
We, as a family, chose not to accept the status quo. Most of us, while devastated at the prospect of the hurdles she'd have to overcome, never let it determine her future (or lack thereof).
We pushed her and, in turn, she pushed herself.
On those days when working a job, homework, an up-all-night-crying baby and sheer exhaustion threatened to break her, we gave her strength she didn't possess.
We believed in her when she was too tired, too stressed, too self-deprecating and too frustrated to believe in herself.
She was encouraged to keep on truckin' and, amazingly, she has.
Now, she is twenty-one and one semester from a college degree in psychology.
I'm not talking a community college associate degree, I'm talking a full-on degree from a top university.
She's even begun preparation for a Master degree program.
My grandson is bright, inquisitive, well-mannered, respectful and happy. She has done a beautiful job raising him. She is, and will always be, my hero.
These girls don't have to be statistics, people just give up and choose to allow them to be. They believe the hype and follow along like sheeple are wont to do.
Yanno, my daughter (youngest) got pregnant at 17. Yep we went through the whole sha-bang here all the emotions from M (we did a lot of talking so he could work through all that he felt, i myself also got pregnant at 17 though my choice to deal with it was different than my daughters - rightfully so). I look at that little boy now (at 19 mos old) and i cannot imagine a life without him, what an absolute joy he is, such a happy little man! Like i said to M (during one of our many late night discussions while she was pregnant) she didn't rob a bank, she didn't murder someone - she got pregnant - that is it, that is all. Looking at her and her life now and her make things better for her and her son attitude - i am sooo freakin' proud of her! And yanno what her biggest fan so far is M. He's a fantastic grandfather. Life just couldn't get any better at this point. Proof that really, this is not the end of the world.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, I loved this entry! I'll be following ;D