Fucking eggs.

I don't talk about my son much. He's a constant source of emotional pain and self-flagellation.

He is bat. shit. crazy. and I constantly wonder if it was my fault.

He blames everyone for his misery. He drags everyone down with his cruelty in words and actions.

His latest knife in my chest happened last December.

See, my son hates that he is half black. So much so that he had plastic surgery to be more passable. He hates that he is gay. He hates that he was born to parents with median income. He hates that his life hasn't been all silver spoons and country clubs and he screams from the rooftops how unfair life is and he blames me and hates me for the injustice of it all.

So, he decided in December to allow his gay, white, manfriend to adopt him. He had his father's name and my name taken off his birth certificate and this other d00ds name inserted. He changed his name. Michael wasn't good enough for him, I suppose.

I wasn't good enough for him, I suppose. He's ashamed that I'm his mother. He's been lying about who I was for years. Apparently, I'm just some shit he needs to scrape off the bottom of his shoe. The kicker is, I got pregnant with him when I was 19, had him when I was 20. I wasn't afraid of being a mom. I wanted him, I wanted him more than anything I'd ever wanted before. I loved him like I'd never loved another human being.

He tries to drag my daughter along on his ride of madness, but she isn't going and he abuses her emotionally for it. He tries to put her in the middle of him and I like some kind of fucked up tug-o-war rope. It isn't fair to her.

I want to knock his eyeball out the back of his skull some days and today is one of them.

I wonder where I went wrong. I didn't raise him to be so damn self-absorbed.

If all that isn't enough, he called to tell me he wants to stop and see me on his way back to college. Two days after my birthday. With his 'new dad' in tow. I don't think I can handle having that rubbed in my face.

How can I have one child who is so over-the-top fanfuckingtastic and another child that's such a little fucking turd?

Pardon me while I go cry a river.

Fucking eggs, they cut you deeper than anyone ever could.