1) I have four tattoos. Two of them are 'jailhouse'
tatts. I may have them enhanced, but I'll never have them covered. They
remind me of where I've been and keep me humble.
2) My daughter is my hero. She got pregnant at 13. She had my grandson at 14. She is 23, has a bachelor's in psychology and working at a great job. She raised her son. She got his bills paid/needs met. I can't believe I made her.
3) When I came home from the head-behind-the-seat fiasco, I was a mess. One of my two closest friends used to be my drug dealer. He's the only drug dealer I have ever known who had ethics. He bought food for people. He never sold to kids. He never sold to pregnant women. He takes care of his family. All of them. He and his wife got me off drugs. He's been there any time I have ever needed him. He was there when no one else cared. He never expected anything except honesty and integrity in return. He taught me not to judge a book by its cover. He will forever have my loyalty and love.
4) I don't like jelly with my peanut butter sandwiches.
5) I sort Skittles into pairs. Green with purple. Orange with yellow. Red stands alone. I give the extras away.
6) I am rarely without socks on my feet.
7) I've had my 15 minutes of fame, and let me tell you, it ain't all it's cracked up to be.
8) My favorite smell ever is a brand new box of Crayola crayons.
9) My second favorite smell is that of old books.
10) My favorite ice cream really is vanilla.
11) I love animals of all sorts, but I am partial to cats.
12) The first 'grown-up' book I ever read was Johnathan Livingston Seagull. I was 8, it made me cry.
13) I made hide-a-ways in my closets until I was 12. I'd go in there, turn on the lights, snuggle into a pile of pillows and read. Books took me out of my body. It was the one place where I could shut out the cacophony that was my young life.
14) I've only had one cavity my entire life.
15) I love making people laugh.
16) I'm a down ass bitch for those I love.
17) I have PTSD caused by long-term, repeated, severe stress.
18) I love to cook and bake. Seeing people have mouth orgasms makes me happy.
19) I watch far too much crime porn, aka ID Channel.
20) I haven't shopped in Walmart in over 8 years. I detest everything they are and everything they represent.
21) Life has turned me into a really resourceful person.
22) Gene Wilder, fuck Johnny Depp.
23) My brother walked in my bedroom, unannounced, when I was 18. I was getting it in the pooper. I've never lived it down.
24) My favorite band is The Afghan Whigs.
25) I love the 'Dusties' genre of music. Sixties and seventies R&B. Some of it pretty obscure.
26) I roll my own cigarettes. That skill has served me well in the strangest of places.
27) I love sitting on the porch in the sun, talking to people passing by.
28) I love to drive. Fast.
29) I prefer a manual transmission. I remember when my dad taught me to drive. He took me out on a steep incline and made me practice until I could use nothing except the clutch to keep the car from rolling backwards.
30) My love of the game show Jeopardy! comes from my dad. We used to watch it together almost every afternoon. I'm good, but he kicked my ass. He was one of the smartest men I have ever known.
31) I still talk to my kids' father's mother. She always has a bag or two of stuff for me. It's weird, she's crazy, but I love her frustrating ass.
32) If I had a Most Excellent Moment, it would have to be the time I was backstage at a George Clinton concert, he asked to buy my t-shirt, I told him no. He got lippy and I popped off to him. One of his band members, a guitarist of sorts, thought it was hysterical and proceeded to drag me out onto the stage and made me sit there for the entire set.
33) I'm a Leo, with an Aquarius Moon, a Libra Ascendant and a Mars in Scorpio, conjunct Neptune. Oh, I'm an astrologer, too.
34) I'm fascinated with real life monsters.
35) I don't eat Jell-O. I hate the way it feels in my mouth.
36) I've had some real bullshit go down in my life, but, honestly, I don't think I'd change a thing if I could. Everything I've experienced has made me me and I think I'm pretty fucking alright.
37) I'm a closet NASCAR fan. My uncle raced stock cars locally all through my childhood. My stepdad and uncle were on his pit crew. My mom drove his car for special, ladies races. He let me hang out with him in the garage while he tinkered with his cars. It also explains my love for old, muscle cars.
38) I'm a very tactile person. How something feels is more important than how it looks. It could be beautiful, but if it doesn't feel good, I don't want it.
39) I'll bait my own hook, but I prefer not to have to gut/clean any fish caught. Blech.
40) I think Chris 'Ludacris' Bridges is under-rated as an entertainer.
41) I've never seen a Star Wars movie from beginning to end.
42) My favorite Sci-fi series is Planet Of The Apes.
43) I'm the oldest of five siblings. Two 'half' brothers from my dad, and two from my mom. I'm the only girl.
44) My dad had a tattoo on his left forearm of a robin with a ribbon in its mouth. My name was written in that ribbon, in fancy Olde English lettering.
45) I think my mom was an untreated/undiagnosed bipolar person.
46) I have a no bullshit policy. I won't bullshit you, and you don't bullshit me. Even if we don't want to hear it.
47) My kids are half Black. One is a Muslim. The other is gay.
48) I worked as an EMT for two years, before I had my kids.
49) I completed a 5 year apprenticeship with the Pipefitter's union after my kids were born. There were 96 apprentices in my class. I was the only female. I graduated top 10% of my class.
50) I skipped 6th grade. I finished the year in 5th grade, and started the next year in 7th grade. I was all, "Fuck yeah, one less year!", and didn't ask any questions.
51) My favorite colors to look at are purples and yellows. My favorite color to wear is pink.
52) My ex forced me to run his escort service. I was damned good at it, too.
53) I think I'm telling you people far too much shit.
54) When I was 8 I had dreams of being a marine biologist/dolphin trainer. Ah, the innocence of 8.
55) I've never had a "dream wedding" scenario. I don't reckon I've ever had much real thought about marriage other than, "Meh."
56) I'm cool with my partner dipping off. I need to know about it. He needs to wear his raincoat in the shower and everyone needs to know I'm the #1 bitch. I don't expect anybody to bend to my will. Either you can live with it, or you can't. It's the only way I roll.
57) I love to point out pretty women to my guy friends. The looks on their faces always make me laugh.
58) My panties and bra never match.
59) I like mating socks after they're washed. It soothes me.
60) I'm a night owl. People say I keep vampire hours.
61) I like my coffee very light and very sweet and I only drink one cup.
62) This list has me wracking my brain.
63) My kids are only 13 months apart.
64) I was in labor for 69 1/2 hours with my son. Asshole doctors.
65) I prefer my burgers without cheese.
66) I do NOT eat bologna.
67) My dream car is a midnight blue, rag top '68 GTO.
68) My favorite cookie is an Oreo and my favorite candy bar is a Whatchamacallit.
69) When I die, I'd rather leave behind memories instead of keepsakes.
70) I'm finally at a point that I am content with my life and who I've turned out to be.
71) Meems is my best. girl. friend. ever.
72) I'm eating a hamburger right now.
73) I try not to let my mouth write checks my ass can't cash.
74) When I started my apprenticeship my stepdad gave me one piece of advice, "Don't shit where you eat." He was right.
75) I make the bed with proper 'hospital corners'.
76) I hate washing silverware and I've never lived in a place that had a dishwasher.
77) I love the sights and sounds of the ghetto. There's life here.
78) I admit, I get twitchy when the internet goes down.
79) I have a psychotic fucking hatred for vibrators.
80) I always give back the wrong change if given it at the register. I can't deal with the guilt if I don't. I once gave a cashier in the currency exchange a $200 mistake that she made. She nearly cried.
81) I don't understand why Californians build houses on the sides of mountains where there are signs at the bottom warning about mudslides. Mudslides? Seriously? What about the fucking house slides?
82) I once watched an ER doctor crack a guys chest, reach in and pull out his heart and manually stimulate it in an attempt to save his life.
83) I've ridden in a car with a severed human head, wrapped in a trash bag, behind my seat.
84) I've spent time in jail and it's my opinion that people don't know shit about the justice system.
85) Is this shit almost over?
86) Until my daughter bought me a necklace last year, my nose ring was the only piece of jewelry I ever wore.
87) I'm poor, but I'm content.
88) My only reality show indulgence is Mob Wives. Them bitches throw down.
89) I really didn't think I'd get this far with this list.
90) I rarely use my phone and smartphones intimidate me.
91) I only have 9 more to go, bitches! In yo face!
92) Is anyone bored yet?
93) I secretly hope a lot of people respond to this. I really want people to like me.
94) There are a handful of people in my life, that no matter what they or I do, I believe we can get through it and love each other forever.
95) People tend to look at my life and say, "Geez, what dumb luck." I look at my life and say, "Geez, I'm a really lucky motherfucker."
96) These last four are going to kill me.
97) I am just as blunt in r/l as I am online.
98) I'd rather sit in candlelight than bulb light.
99) I really love watching cartoons. I'm a bit of an aficionado.
100) I was hoping for something witty to say, but I got nothing. Thanks for wading through all that.
2) My daughter is my hero. She got pregnant at 13. She had my grandson at 14. She is 23, has a bachelor's in psychology and working at a great job. She raised her son. She got his bills paid/needs met. I can't believe I made her.
3) When I came home from the head-behind-the-seat fiasco, I was a mess. One of my two closest friends used to be my drug dealer. He's the only drug dealer I have ever known who had ethics. He bought food for people. He never sold to kids. He never sold to pregnant women. He takes care of his family. All of them. He and his wife got me off drugs. He's been there any time I have ever needed him. He was there when no one else cared. He never expected anything except honesty and integrity in return. He taught me not to judge a book by its cover. He will forever have my loyalty and love.
4) I don't like jelly with my peanut butter sandwiches.
5) I sort Skittles into pairs. Green with purple. Orange with yellow. Red stands alone. I give the extras away.
6) I am rarely without socks on my feet.
7) I've had my 15 minutes of fame, and let me tell you, it ain't all it's cracked up to be.
8) My favorite smell ever is a brand new box of Crayola crayons.
9) My second favorite smell is that of old books.
10) My favorite ice cream really is vanilla.
11) I love animals of all sorts, but I am partial to cats.
12) The first 'grown-up' book I ever read was Johnathan Livingston Seagull. I was 8, it made me cry.
13) I made hide-a-ways in my closets until I was 12. I'd go in there, turn on the lights, snuggle into a pile of pillows and read. Books took me out of my body. It was the one place where I could shut out the cacophony that was my young life.
14) I've only had one cavity my entire life.
15) I love making people laugh.
16) I'm a down ass bitch for those I love.
17) I have PTSD caused by long-term, repeated, severe stress.
18) I love to cook and bake. Seeing people have mouth orgasms makes me happy.
19) I watch far too much crime porn, aka ID Channel.
20) I haven't shopped in Walmart in over 8 years. I detest everything they are and everything they represent.
21) Life has turned me into a really resourceful person.
22) Gene Wilder, fuck Johnny Depp.
23) My brother walked in my bedroom, unannounced, when I was 18. I was getting it in the pooper. I've never lived it down.
24) My favorite band is The Afghan Whigs.
25) I love the 'Dusties' genre of music. Sixties and seventies R&B. Some of it pretty obscure.
26) I roll my own cigarettes. That skill has served me well in the strangest of places.
27) I love sitting on the porch in the sun, talking to people passing by.
28) I love to drive. Fast.
29) I prefer a manual transmission. I remember when my dad taught me to drive. He took me out on a steep incline and made me practice until I could use nothing except the clutch to keep the car from rolling backwards.
30) My love of the game show Jeopardy! comes from my dad. We used to watch it together almost every afternoon. I'm good, but he kicked my ass. He was one of the smartest men I have ever known.
31) I still talk to my kids' father's mother. She always has a bag or two of stuff for me. It's weird, she's crazy, but I love her frustrating ass.
32) If I had a Most Excellent Moment, it would have to be the time I was backstage at a George Clinton concert, he asked to buy my t-shirt, I told him no. He got lippy and I popped off to him. One of his band members, a guitarist of sorts, thought it was hysterical and proceeded to drag me out onto the stage and made me sit there for the entire set.
33) I'm a Leo, with an Aquarius Moon, a Libra Ascendant and a Mars in Scorpio, conjunct Neptune. Oh, I'm an astrologer, too.
34) I'm fascinated with real life monsters.
35) I don't eat Jell-O. I hate the way it feels in my mouth.
36) I've had some real bullshit go down in my life, but, honestly, I don't think I'd change a thing if I could. Everything I've experienced has made me me and I think I'm pretty fucking alright.
37) I'm a closet NASCAR fan. My uncle raced stock cars locally all through my childhood. My stepdad and uncle were on his pit crew. My mom drove his car for special, ladies races. He let me hang out with him in the garage while he tinkered with his cars. It also explains my love for old, muscle cars.
38) I'm a very tactile person. How something feels is more important than how it looks. It could be beautiful, but if it doesn't feel good, I don't want it.
39) I'll bait my own hook, but I prefer not to have to gut/clean any fish caught. Blech.
40) I think Chris 'Ludacris' Bridges is under-rated as an entertainer.
41) I've never seen a Star Wars movie from beginning to end.
42) My favorite Sci-fi series is Planet Of The Apes.
43) I'm the oldest of five siblings. Two 'half' brothers from my dad, and two from my mom. I'm the only girl.
44) My dad had a tattoo on his left forearm of a robin with a ribbon in its mouth. My name was written in that ribbon, in fancy Olde English lettering.
45) I think my mom was an untreated/undiagnosed bipolar person.
46) I have a no bullshit policy. I won't bullshit you, and you don't bullshit me. Even if we don't want to hear it.
47) My kids are half Black. One is a Muslim. The other is gay.
48) I worked as an EMT for two years, before I had my kids.
49) I completed a 5 year apprenticeship with the Pipefitter's union after my kids were born. There were 96 apprentices in my class. I was the only female. I graduated top 10% of my class.
50) I skipped 6th grade. I finished the year in 5th grade, and started the next year in 7th grade. I was all, "Fuck yeah, one less year!", and didn't ask any questions.
51) My favorite colors to look at are purples and yellows. My favorite color to wear is pink.
52) My ex forced me to run his escort service. I was damned good at it, too.
53) I think I'm telling you people far too much shit.
54) When I was 8 I had dreams of being a marine biologist/dolphin trainer. Ah, the innocence of 8.
55) I've never had a "dream wedding" scenario. I don't reckon I've ever had much real thought about marriage other than, "Meh."
56) I'm cool with my partner dipping off. I need to know about it. He needs to wear his raincoat in the shower and everyone needs to know I'm the #1 bitch. I don't expect anybody to bend to my will. Either you can live with it, or you can't. It's the only way I roll.
57) I love to point out pretty women to my guy friends. The looks on their faces always make me laugh.
58) My panties and bra never match.
59) I like mating socks after they're washed. It soothes me.
60) I'm a night owl. People say I keep vampire hours.
61) I like my coffee very light and very sweet and I only drink one cup.
62) This list has me wracking my brain.
63) My kids are only 13 months apart.
64) I was in labor for 69 1/2 hours with my son. Asshole doctors.
65) I prefer my burgers without cheese.
66) I do NOT eat bologna.
67) My dream car is a midnight blue, rag top '68 GTO.
68) My favorite cookie is an Oreo and my favorite candy bar is a Whatchamacallit.
69) When I die, I'd rather leave behind memories instead of keepsakes.
70) I'm finally at a point that I am content with my life and who I've turned out to be.
71) Meems is my best. girl. friend. ever.
72) I'm eating a hamburger right now.
73) I try not to let my mouth write checks my ass can't cash.
74) When I started my apprenticeship my stepdad gave me one piece of advice, "Don't shit where you eat." He was right.
75) I make the bed with proper 'hospital corners'.
76) I hate washing silverware and I've never lived in a place that had a dishwasher.
77) I love the sights and sounds of the ghetto. There's life here.
78) I admit, I get twitchy when the internet goes down.
79) I have a psychotic fucking hatred for vibrators.
80) I always give back the wrong change if given it at the register. I can't deal with the guilt if I don't. I once gave a cashier in the currency exchange a $200 mistake that she made. She nearly cried.
81) I don't understand why Californians build houses on the sides of mountains where there are signs at the bottom warning about mudslides. Mudslides? Seriously? What about the fucking house slides?
82) I once watched an ER doctor crack a guys chest, reach in and pull out his heart and manually stimulate it in an attempt to save his life.
83) I've ridden in a car with a severed human head, wrapped in a trash bag, behind my seat.
84) I've spent time in jail and it's my opinion that people don't know shit about the justice system.
85) Is this shit almost over?
86) Until my daughter bought me a necklace last year, my nose ring was the only piece of jewelry I ever wore.
87) I'm poor, but I'm content.
88) My only reality show indulgence is Mob Wives. Them bitches throw down.
89) I really didn't think I'd get this far with this list.
90) I rarely use my phone and smartphones intimidate me.
91) I only have 9 more to go, bitches! In yo face!
92) Is anyone bored yet?
93) I secretly hope a lot of people respond to this. I really want people to like me.
94) There are a handful of people in my life, that no matter what they or I do, I believe we can get through it and love each other forever.
95) People tend to look at my life and say, "Geez, what dumb luck." I look at my life and say, "Geez, I'm a really lucky motherfucker."
96) These last four are going to kill me.
97) I am just as blunt in r/l as I am online.
98) I'd rather sit in candlelight than bulb light.
99) I really love watching cartoons. I'm a bit of an aficionado.
100) I was hoping for something witty to say, but I got nothing. Thanks for wading through all that.
You fucking RAWK!
ReplyDeletei don't think i'm ballsy enough to do this list...cause i'm pretty boring. Even for a Librarian. Pretty awesome, lady.
ReplyDeleteWow not only for having completed all 100 but just wow on your honesty - hats off to you, lady!! big time
ReplyDeleteOh I dunno, I would say that overall, it was quite witty.
ReplyDeleteI was in labor with my youngest for 69 hours...That shit isn't cool lol.
Thanks, everyone. *blushes*
ReplyDeleteYou are an awesome person. This is YOUR world - the rest of us just live here.
ReplyDeleteEven George Carlin would've agreed to that.
You are way more interesting than me. I might make a list of 20.
ReplyDeleteI totally stumbled upon your blog (please don't be offended) but it fucking rocks and you are one rockin chick!
ReplyDeleteCame here from THERE, and am just so in awe of you. No matter what nonsense goes on THERE, you need to keep on re-reading this blog. THEY are nothing. NOTHING! You are stronger than anyone I know. Hugs, love and high-fives. You made me cry.
ReplyDeleteHolly aka HollyGram