My personality was cemented by age two.

My mother used to tell this tale about me when I was just a teeny thing of 2.

I was standing on the toilet, playing in the water in the sink.

Apparently, I'd plugged the drain and water was seeping under the door out into the hall.
My mother noticed the water and busted into the bathroom scaring the hell out of me.

I guess I told her so, too.

"You scared the hell out of me, Mommy."

She screeches, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!"

I answer, "Nothing."

She swats the back of my thighs with a wet flip-flop.

whack whack whack

She asks, "What did you say?"

I answered, fists on my little hips, "I'm going to tell my grandma on you."

WHACK WHACK WHACK

"What did you say?"

"I SAID, I'M GOING TO TELL MY GRANDMA ON YOU."

WHACKWHACKWHACK

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?!?"

"I SAID, I'M. GOING. TO. TELL. MY. GRANDMA. ON. YOU."

WHACKWHACKWHACKWHACKWHACK

"NOW, WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!"

"I SAID, I AIN'T GONNA TELL NOBODY NOTHIN'."

"That's what I thought."

Grandma walks in?

"GRANDMA, GRANDMA, MOMMY HIT ME WITH THE SHOE!"