Blossoming

Today Bossman said I was blossoming.

In an earlier post I talk about how much I question my actions and my motivations. I know I'm harsh, but I don't expect anything from anyone that I don't expect from myself.

I work really hard keeping my ego in check. I know I'm a good person with a good heart and sexy to boot. It took a long time to grow a self-esteem. If there's one thing I've learned is that to maintain it, I have to keep a handle on the difference between ego and self-esteem. Some days, it's a very fine line.

Because of it, I have a very small circle of people I'm close to. Couple that with being agoraphobic and you have someone that's pretty tightly guarded. I don't like a lot of fanfare and don't go looking for it. I know there are people that like what I have to say and pay attention sometimes, but the whole popularity thing.

Yeah, really weird and uncomfortable for me. I mean, it feels good, but the fact that I might be one of those people that I kinda idolize and like to read, really freaks me out.

This is all new territory for me.

New nick. New blog. New group. New levels of exposure. 

And more positive responses to it all than I ever expected.

It's all Bossman's fault. He nudged me. I never would have done any of this on my own. He pushed me out of the nest. He knows what I need better than I do most times.

I'm turning into a doormat because he's so. damn. good. to. me. He gives me so many things I never knew I could have, or even want. All I want is to see him happy and I don't ever want to feel like saying 'no' to him, about anything. He has done quite the number on my will.

I thanked him and told him I was afraid of letting the attention go to my head. I need to keep perspective on the difference between ego and self-esteem.

He said I'll be alright and he's proud of me...and it's good to see me blossoming.